Neil,
You're doing it wrong.
You've misunderstood the situation.
OK, you don't like Kanye West. That's is, of course, an entirely acceptable position to take. I can see why this might be.
West does seem to possess some sort of crippling inferiority complex that causes him behave badly in social situations.
There are some who have diagnosed this condition as that of 'being a dick.'
Now, I don't know him personally, but there would appear to be a fair amount of evidence to support this thesis.
However, in his capacity as headline act on the Pyramid Stage, Saturday night at Glastonbury, 2015; we should be less concerned about his questionable social skills, than about his ability as a performer of music.
You don't have to enjoy his particular sort of music (I can take it or leave it personally), but you would have to been living under a stone, or perhaps even King's Lynn, to be ignorant of Mr West's significance within the field of his chosen discipline.
So, why don't we examine the sort of thing we might get on the night...
That wasn't so bad, was it? There was even ballet dancers and shit.
I'll tell you what it really reminded me of; it's exactly like the sort of thing you would expect to see... on the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury during some headliner slot or other!
Now, with one or two notable exceptions, I pretty much never go to see the headliners at the Pyramid, mainly because there's an almost infinite number of much better stuff happening elsewhere, on the really-quite-colossal site. I suspect this year will be much the same.
For example, Foo Fighters are that sort of magnolia, Fearne Cotton-friendly rock band that doesn't really do very much for me (Although Dave Grohl always seems like a really nice guy in interviews. Yep, I'll admit, he certainly seems nicer than Kanye West. I've never met either of them, so I don't really know)
But, rather than focus on my mild disinterest on that particular booking, I focused on the fact that it didn't matter one iota because there's an almost infinite number of much better stuff happening elsewhere on the really-quite-colossal site.
What you have seen on the telly, Neil? That stuff? It's largely irrelevant to the experience of being there. Forget what you think you know.
I have a very eclectic group of friends, all with an equally eclectic group of tastes and our beginnings at the festival are a little like this;
Friend 1: "I am going to see the Jangles in the John Peel tent in a bit"
Friend 2: "I was going to check out the Latvian Nose Flute Ensemble at Jazz World (I refuse to call it 'West Holts')"
Friend 3: "I'm going to head towards that 'Doof! Doof! Doof!" sound that's coming from over there"
Friend 4: "I'm going to have my chakras buffed in the Green fields and maybe buy a guinea pig and tahini baguette, if I can avoid all the Greenpeace chuggers pretending to be my best mate."
Friend 5: "I'm going for a pint."
Friend 6: "Et cetera..."
Me: "OK, shall we all meet at the Pyramid for about two, when Elaine Paige is on?"
Everyone: "Yes, fam! The Paige is sick! Love the Paige! See ya down there! Whoooo! We rule! Yaayy!"
And then we all leave.
And then, not one of those things actually happens.
But everyone still has a lovely time.
So, you see, you've piled in too soon, with your sense of entitlement and your petition. You don't need to go and watch Kanye West or Foo Fighters or anything you don't want to! There are going to be too many options available! None of what you think matters matters!
I am sure you are a nice guy, but you starting this petition has you coming across as a tad... I dunno...
It reminds me of someone...
I'm certain you will have a pleasant time at the festival, if you just allow yourself.
All the best,
b
x
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