Here's a little festive interlude for Theo Possible.
Grumpy Auld Men
The village hall finally felt toasty.
It had taken a while, but the four portable gas heaters on full blast had beaten back the bitter cold from the creaky wooden interior. Not very eco-friendly, thought Vera, but preferable to one of the senior citizens pegging it at the card table. One day, they would raise enough money and build a proper village hall, with bricks and double glazing and everything.
Vera Mallard sighed wistfully at the dusty 'new village hall fund' totaliser which was hung on the wall. They'd been raising money for as long as she could remember and they still barely had a tenth of what was needed. She was sure that they would get there eventually. She just doubted that she would be around to see it, what with her already two years shy of the allotted threescore years and ten.
The hall was gradually filling with people. Shivering, snow-sprinkled folk queued at the door, wishing each other a Merry Christmas and handing over their entry fee to Jackie, the treasurer, sat at a rickety trestle table. Jackie dropped the money in the cash box and handed back their strip of complementary raffle tickets.
Vera took off her glasses and wiped the condensation from the lenses with her woolly-gloved hands. The new prescription was like the bottom of a milk bottle, but she was now blind as a bat without them. She pushed the glasses back on her nose and blinked.
Then she spotted him.
"Coo-ee!" Vera called, waving to the tall, hooded figure in the white parka, waiting patiently in the queue. Mrs Reeder was in front, slowly counting out her coppers into Jackie's outstretched hand.
"Theo!" yelled Vera.
Theo Possible snapped out of his penny-watching trance, spotted Vera waving at him and beamed.
Vera scuttled forward and looped her arm around Theo's. "Jack!" she bellowed at the treasurer, "This one's with me, alright?" Jackie nodded and waved them through.
"Vera," muttered Theo, "It's only a couple of quid. I can pay, you know."
"Oh, we'll sort it out later," Vera blustered. "I haven't seen you in ages!"
"I know, I know," said Theo apologetically. "I've had a lot on."
"You never made it to the summer fete or bonfire night," Vera scolded him.
"But, you know I'd never miss the Christmas whist drive in a million years," said Theo, holding up the white plastic carrier bag in his hand. "I got a couple of bottles of that sherry you like. I thought you could maybe put one in the raffle?"
"Oh, bless you, Theo," said Vera. "You're so thoughtful."
Theo pulled back his hood and unzipped his parka. "I like what you've done to your hair, Vee," he said. "Very swish."
Vera blushed, gently titivating her new do. Her hairdresser, Tracy had talked her into this new colour and bob. Theo was the first to comment on it, as Vera had only just removed her head scarf. "You don't think it’s a bit..?" she whispered.
"Oh, it really suits you," remarked Theo. "The cut shows off your bone structure and colour complements your eyes perfectly."
"Charmer," Vera chuckled. She looked into Theo's sparkling eyes. Despite the crow's feet, his chestnut skin glowed with vitality and his silver-white goatee beard framed a warm, sincere smile. Time was being much kinder to him than her, she thought.
"I've got a surprise for you," said Vera with a conspiratorial, sing-song lilt. Theo raised an intrigued eyebrow. She ushered him towards their usual card table, in the far corner of the hall. "Burt's not here, I'm afraid," she explained. "His grandson is getting married in Australia. They paid for his flights over there, hotels and everything."
"Lucky Burt," Theo remarked. "So, we're short of a player?"
"That's the surprise!" Vera announced.
They arrived at their table. Maude was sat in her usual seat, in a tartan cardigan and matching bobble-hat. She was chatting to a man, perched opposite, in the place Burt usually occupied.
"Surprise!" whooped Vera. "Look who it is, Theo!"
The man with Maude looked up with sharp, predatory eyes.
He was dressed in smart black jacket and a white shirt. His hair was pale grey and his skin was blanched. All the lines on his face seemed to converge to a furious point in the space between his dagger-like eyebrows.
"Theo Possible," the man proclaimed in a Scottish brogue. An ironic smirk dented his thin lips. "Long time no see, Theo! Merry Christmas!"
 |
| "Long time no see, Theo! Merry Christmas!" |
Possible cleared his throat.
"Indeed," he said, flatly. "Merry Christmas. You were the very last person I expected to see here. How are you, Maude?"
"As well as can be expected, Theo," mumbled Maude. "I was just telling your friend..."
"Yes!" the man cut in, "Maude was just explaining about all her many ailments. Maude has so many, many ailments. People do tend tell you all about their aches and pains when you mention that you're a doctor! I should keep my mouth shut, shouldn't I? Poor old Maude! I was about to suggest that I put her out of her misery, just as you two walked up!"
He laughed, a short, theatrical cackle and Vera and Maude joined in. Theo smiled politely.
"Well, aren't you going to sit down?" asked the Doctor.
"Theo, I'm going to hang up my coat, do you want me to take yours?" asked Vera
Theo thanked her, slipped out of his parka and handed it over. Vera sent Maude to fetch some sherry glasses and mince pies. Theo took a seat.
"How did you know I was here?" asked Possible.
"I didn't," said the Doctor. "I detected a temporal disturbance and popped in here to see if anyone had noticed anything. I got chatting to Vera, she mentioned your name and here we are. What are you doing here anyway?"
Theo shrugged, "I'm a regular."
"Doesn't seem like your sort of place," the Doctor sneered.
"You don't know anything about me," Theo replied.
"I know enough," warned the Doctor, an accusatory glint to his eye. "You're a sort of cheap, tribute act, aren't you? A flash wannabe dabbling in things he barely understands."
"Don't worry, Doctor," Theo reassured him. "I represent no threat to your brand whatsoever. I'd find it all bit too... restrictive for me, if I'm honest."
The Doctor snorted, "And what's that supposed to mean?"
"Don't get me wrong, I can see how you might get a little envious," Theo went on, "But, I'm on a completely different sort of tip from you. I mean, you go looking for trouble, don't you? You 'detected a temporal disturbance' and you went to see who needed to be slapped down."
"I went to check if there was any danger!" the Doctor snapped.
"And you were disappointed to find it was only some friends meeting for a game of cards and a sherry," Theo added. "Now, because you deem me to be in the 'wrong' section of space and time, you're trying to provoke me."
"I don't need to provoke you," the Doctor murmured. "I can shut you down anytime I like."
Maude returned carrying a tray with a plate of mince pies and four mismatched glasses. "Here we are," she trilled. "Theo, would you take this from me? I need both hands free to sit down!"
Theo sprung to his feet and set down the tray, then helped Maude back to her seat. Then, he retrieved one of the bottles of sherry from his carrier bag and began to pour a measure into each glass.
"Not for me," said the Doctor, "I'm not staying."
"That's a shame," Theo lied.
"What was that?" asked Vera, returning from the cloakroom. "You're not leaving, are you?"
"He's a doctor, Vee," Theo reminded her. "He's always on call. Bye, then..."
"But, we need four for whist," Vera insisted.
The Doctor mused. A mischievous twitch danced across his face.
Theo Possible ground his teeth imperceptivity.
"Oh, what the hell!" the Doctor exclaimed at last. "What's a gory night shift at A&E at its busiest time of year when weighed against a couple of hands of whist, eh? Make my sherry a large one, Theo, me old mate. It is Christmas, after all!"
Theo Possible poured a sherry large enough to choke a Time Lord.
Vera sat and shuffled the cards as Maude munched a mince pie. "So, how do you two know each other?" Vera asked her gentlemen guests and she dealt out the cards.
"We... studied together," said Theo.
"You studied medicine, Theo?" said Vera, surprised.
"No, no, no... Martial Arts," Theo explained. The Doctor shot Theo a dangerous glance as he picked up his cards and began sorting them into suits.
"Oh, like an evening class?" asked Vera.
"Sort of," said Theo.
"We started doing Tai Chi, didn't we Maude?" said Vera. "They did classes here, in the hall, during the summer. They stopped when it got too cold. Might start again when the weather picks up."
Maude nodded, "They said it would help my arthritis. I suppose it did a bit."
"Last time I saw your name," said the Doctor to Theo, "Was on an flyposter on a wall in a pub on Hitchemus. I would have dropped in to see you then, but the date had already come and gone."
"That doesn't usually prevent you, surely?" said Theo.
"That was how we first met Theo," said Vera. "He played the records at our silver wedding anniversary. Me and my Reg. He was brilliant! He knew exactly the right records to play. All the songs you knew, even ones you'd completely forgotten about, songs you'd never heard before but were perfect for the mood."
"I've retired now, Doctor," Theo emphasised. "All that travelling, keeping all those platter's spinning. It was getting too much like hard work."
The Doctor pursed his lips. Vera turned the last card. Clubs were trumps.
Hands were played. Tricks were won. Sherry was drunk.
Eventually, Maude called for a short interlude whilst she went outside for a cigarette. The players agreed and Theo topped up their glasses while they waited.
"Are you alright, Theo?" asked Vera. "You seem out of sorts this evening."
"Me?" said Theo. "No, I'm fine."
"I suspect that might be due to my presence, Vera," the Doctor admitted.
"I suspect that you might be over-estimating your significance, Doctor," Theo chided. "That's not like you at all, is it? Oh, wait..."
"Theo thinks he has the monopoly when it comes to gate-crashing," the Doctor added.
"Where as you, Doctor, think you have the monopoly on everything," snapped Possible.
"Now, boys!" Vera admonished them. "We've all had a sherry. Let's not fall out. Whatever this is about, now is not the time. It's Christmas!"
Theo took and deep breath and nodded. The Doctor looked unrepentant. He finished his sherry and stood up to leave.
"Oh, don't go! Not like this!" Vera pleaded.
"I think It's for the best, Vera," said the Doctor. "It was very nice meeting you. Theo, stay out of trouble, won't you?"
Possible furrowed his brow, "Take care, Doctor," he advised. "Try not to wipe out any civilizations on you way out, won't you?"
The Doctor departed, leaving a withering look so profound that his eyebrows seemed to remain, Cheshire catlike, long after he left the hall.
After a moment, Theo apologised. "I'm really sorry, Vera," he said, scratching his head sheepishly. "That bloke always brings out the worst in me."
Vera laughed, "I've seen a whole other side of you this evening, Theo. What on earth did you two fall out about?"
"It's a long story," Theo sighed. "He's from a very privileged background and I was very... militant in my youth."
"So, you've mellowed with age, have you?" Vera wondered.
Possible quietly pondered this as he held up his glass for a toast.
"Merry Christmas, Vera," he said. Vera lifted her glass and clinked it with his.
"And goodwill to all men?" she added.
"I suppose," chuckled Possible, taking a rueful sip of his sherry.
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